i've been grasping at thin air, at something that was never even there. i've been searching for all the things that i need, sold short by my shame, sold short by my greed. i just don't want you to hate me, the same way that i hate myself. i just don't want to push you away, but i know it's just a matter of time. like the roaches in the floor, i will exist for ever more. like the spiders in my head, poison lives in my soul, swells with every step. an animal or a god, i was destined to live alone. a drifter belongs to nowhere, my only home is my broken bones. my future is the end of a rope. cold earth to break this curse. destroy myself. save everyone else.